Changes

Today is going to be a tough day for my family. We have decided that it is time for my dad to go into a nursing home. With the loss of some of his functions and fluctuating temperament, my mother just can't take care of him in the home. It wasn't a decision quickly made or done lightly. We have prayed and talked as a family for over a month. An opening became available just a few days before Christmas and my mother told them that Monday after Christmas would be best. So, I am sending Ashton to a friend for the day and I am off to help move clothing and belongings to his new room.
My emotions are so mixed on this situation and I can't pin down just one feeling. When Ashton has felt like this before, she calls it "the jumblies" and I think that best describes it for me. I worry about his safety and I wonder if he will feel trapped or forgotten. When those thoughts arise, I can't stop crying because in my heart, those are terrible feelings to own. I worry that he will be unkind and problematic to the staff. When those thoughts arise, I become anxious and troubled. Mostly, I worry about my mother. What does it feel like to not have your best friend with you day and night. I put myself in her place in an empathetic nature and discover what I would miss. To eat a big bowl of ice cream before bed and giggle about it because it's so sinful. Waking up to see them waking as well and smiling because you are there with them. Long talks after the kid goes to bed, hugs at the end of the day, sitting on the porch together, cooking together, just being there.
Change is difficult. Change is a burden. Change is today.

Sorridere sempre
kYm