Ok. I don't make resolutions every January 1st. Why go through the planning when it is all scrapped within a month of completion? So, I don't make resolutions. That was all well and good until today. Ashton and I went out and ordered the cake for her party and rans other errands. Our last stop was the nursing home to visit my daddy. He is not the same guy we moved in there 2 weeks ago. I was prepared for this and expected it to happen. I ended up feeding him lunch and combing his hair for him. I was so very depressed. Ashton kept rubbing my back and saying, "You are ok mama. You are such a good daughter to him." How did she know what to say to me? I had my best smiley, happy face on while we were there. I didn't tell her it was killing me inside. So how did she know to comfort me while I tended to my father? My daughter truly has the gift of compassion. She cares for others without even thinking of her needs or wants. Wow. God has really created a remarkable child. As I reflected on her talents, I got to thinking about how I am a lot like her in the way of serving,except I take mine a bit too far at times. I desire to serve others and have found frequently I compromise my needs or wants to make sure others are happy.

We left the nursing home and I started to reflect even further. I have had some issues in different areas of my life lately where I have had to go above and beyond to make someone else happy or satisfied. Each time, I put the other person/persons above my needs or wants, even at times when it wasn't good enough for some and their biting remarks cut deep. I want to be like my daughter and serve others with compassion, yet I know there has to be a balance in there somewhere. Right? As I reflected and scrutinized today, I made a pact with myself. This is not a resolution, but a pact. I think I can handle a pact better than a resolve. I told myself that I am going to start doing things that I want to do. Say no when I really don't have the time to squeeze it in, even if it does make someone upset with me. I am going to do things my way once in a while and see what it feels like. I am going to please ME!

I signed on the dotted line. This pact may be just what I needed in 2010. Even though I am wincing at the picture I posted with my blog. My pact isn't to become self-centered or egocentric, that is just not in my nature, but to move toward putting self first more often than not. I'll let you know how it goes.

Sorridere sempre
kYm